There are a number of things I want to do and a lot that I want to acheive. Everytime I open my diary, I see the numerous guidelines that I listed for myself and the various diet- charts that I tailor made. NEVER DID I EVER follow one! Like not even for an entire day. I mean, I know the meaning of the word AMBITION but- there’s a difference between knowing, understanding and realising. All three are imperative for CHANGE. A change that I so much wish to see in myself.
The morning sunrise is a beautiful phenomenon and I have always been a little late to witness precise moment, but it neveretheless looks beautiful even if it’s a little above the horizon. But there is one more thing which is equally beautiful and sometimes more profound and enchanting- the MORNING SLEEP! Now what I really struggle with is to leave my beautiful, warm and cozy bed which becomes even more luring and attractive in the morning hours! How am I supposed to get out of my bed when all that I want to do is sleep and dream about how beautiful I look in a pair of well fit denims and a cool t-shirt! How?? I mean literally, HOW??
Right, I know this and understand this too. I don’t know if I realise it too. And moreover, I don’t always remember it. The first time I read it on the cover page of one of my notebooks. It was a beautiful quote. And undoubtedly true. Dreaming is beautiful, I dream and I know the veracity of this statement. Often as a teenager I dreamt too, at that time it was more like day- dreaming. It still is, but now its more serious and ambitious in its nature. In all cases, I was the HERO in my dreams; fighting against all odds, being a winner in any situation, being put down by the whole world and then emerging as a solitary winner. It’s funny to think of all this from a realist view, but, dreams are beautiful. The land is your own, the plot is your own and the best part is that you can edit them again and again for as long as you don’t get it perfectly. Now, what I don’t know is if changing our dreams into reality is equally beautiful or not. I am not even sure if the majority of the dreams that I pursue all day long would be the ones that I would want to be true or not. That’s the sad part. Dreaming something for majority of your days and nights and yet not being sure if you would want them to be true or not, is daunting.
But after analysing all this about dreams, the fact remains the same that dreaming is easy but chasing dreams is- hard and tiring.
So, day after day, it’s the same bells ringing and I am just an onlooker who lacks the potential to change the dreams into reality. It’s painful because your body doesn’t support you, because you don’t want to be identified distinct from the group(because you’re the biggest of them all), because you can only imagine and not feel, because your confidence is now dependent on your body and it’s most painful because everyday you witness yourself failing and you realise that you’re a person with lack of will power and committment. So it makes you feel negative about every aspect of your personality.
BUT is there a way out? I believe there is. I don’t see it. I don’t know it. I haven’t felt it. But still, I believe that there is a way out. It’s a calling from inside. Even in the bleakest moments of life we still believe that there is a way out. And we don’t believe this because of the numerous motivational posts that we read or the videos that we watch but because IT’S POSSIBLE and because it’s the human’s survival instinct.
So if you had come down to the conclusion, “I am going to fail and so there is no point in trying again to fail again” THEN start your action now! It can be a small action but START. BEGIN. Because after giving up for 20 days, you’re going to start again and at that time you’d wonder, like I do, “Where would have I been if I would’ve been consistent for the past 20 days“!
So don’t start a journey 10 times a year. Start once and keep it going. Remember, static friction is always greater than sliding friction. It’s a fact of physics. Once you begin and continue, the process is going to be less cumbersome. But if you start and stop and then start, you will lose considerable amount of energy and time too.
If you’re too lazy and weak to change much- begin with one thing in a day for a couple of weeks. Even sticking to one habit or change for a couple of weeks is not that easy.
I am going to make the following changes(just these):
1. Dinner: I usually have- 2 chapatis(sometimes 3), 1/2 a plate rice, 1 katori curd or 1 cup milk( I know milk is not a common combination with dinner but I love it), a bowl of pulses or vegetables. It’s too much. I know. And that’s precisely the reason why I am 105 kg(and more on some days- as matter of fact my weighing machine reflects a difference of 1kg in the morning and evening😲)
Now, the things that I am going to change about this:
- 1 chapati
- 1 Katori rice
- Veggies/ Pulses
- 1 bowl of salad
I don’t want to stop eating anything because mostly STOPPING something against my wish doesn’t harmonise with my rebellious mind and I end up gobbling more than I normally do! And I am also going to experiment eating in the quarter plates as it decieves your mind.
Same amount of food looks too much on small plates and too little on big ones.
2) Movement: I do start in this area but there is a lack of consistency and will power. Mornings- the sleep so enchanting, day time- work out leads to sweating and the daytime is busy for working out and then bathing too, evening- I am too tired after the day is over(whether the day is a hectic one or an idle one that I just want keep laying down). But this carefully devised theory of excuses isn’t going to help me so I am not going to turn the world upside down but instead focus on 30 minute brisk walking on terrace after dinner and 10 minute stair climbing. That’s all.
This is what I am going to do for a month and then let’s see where it gets me.
And I am not going to do this TOMORROW but TODAY!