The Power of a Compliment

As a fat girl hardly gets any compliments except pertaining to the cuteness which in other words means “oh you’re so chubby!” It’s not a bad compliment but that’s mostly what you get to hear and quite different from what you want to hear. Complimenting a fat person is not an easy task, in fact, complimenting any woman to her utter joy and satisfaction is never an easy task. Buy for a fat woman/ girl, everything gets complicated because she doesn’t believe that she could be beautiful.

In my freshers party, everyone complimented me that I looked beautiful; I thanked them gracefully thinking that they were being nice and kind. I was happy to receive their compliments but the word “beautiful” gave me a heart-ache because for me a 106 Kg (now 107 kg) person could not be beautiful; she could only be fat.

 But the other day I was making some notes while sitting in my class room and a class- mate was continuously staring at me; I could see her from the corner of my eye and was rather intimidated. Soon I lost notice of her and was engrossed in my own work. After I was done with my work she very simply told me that she had been looking at my hands while I was writing and they looked very elegant and pretty. I thanked her as a compliment shoud be thanked but my heart was elated for a reason I could not describe. It seemed as if someone had complimented me after such a long time. Later in the evening I was taking a careful note of my hands. 😉

Yet another day a friend of mine complimented me how my skin had become relatively clear from the pimples that I earlier had. I felt happy that some said it. As if I had not acknowledged this unless someone pointed out towards it.

Although this doesn’t mean that our opinion about ourselves should be heightened or diminuted by the compliments or the ridicules of others respectively. But simply that the art of giving careful compliments should not be wasted as it can make a huge difference to someone. 


A life missed by being Fat

These are some of the things that a fat person really misses or can’t enjoy or possesses or hates in his/ her life. This post is specifically written from a girl’s point of view. 

  • Good Clothes. You can’t wear the clothes that you want to.
  • Lethargy. You feel like sleeping and laying around all the time.
  • Attending Classes. Sitting for an hour or so at a stretch to attend some class with those big buttocks is a constant pain. 
  • Driving. The seat belt is a big issue on a four wheeler. And your ass is another big issue on a two wheeler.
  • Adjusting. Sitting or standing up is not a usual one second process.
  • You can’t be excited. If you jump in excitement, the vibrations of blob(fat) on your body will stop after 10 seconds or so. You will be a visual treat for everyone to see and surely your excitement will go down the drain.
  • You can’t eat. If there’s a smart, sexy petite girl/ boy eating a full size burger or gorging down any other delectable food, they will be looked at with adoration. And if you are satiating your hunger by any means, you’ll be looked at as a person who is the reason famines in different parts of the world!
  • You can’t stand for long. The heels and toes hurt.
  • You can’t sit for long either. The butt hurts; extremely.
  • You can’t walk and talk. You get out of breath. And if the conversation is on the phone, the other person might consider the idea of calling an ambulance for you because you’re gasping for air while talking.
  • You can’t be quick. Late to work? No means of transport? Ha! You can’t walk faster. Run? Forget it!
  • You might be a reason for damage. You might’ve made neighbours, relatives or your own house get rid of a piece or two of furniture. Broken a chair, a stool or a bed? Never?
  • Bath. You can’t nicely apply soap on your back while you bathe.
  • You can’t properly paint your toe nails. The big tummy is a huge obstruction. 
  • No hairstyle. Your arms get tired if you try to some nice hairstyle.
  • You don’t want to go out. From a relatives marriage to a trip with your friends, you have to stay trapped in your body and your house.
  • You have to flip your matresses once in a while. They get a dent because your body weight  and make  you feel uncomfortable.
  • You can never wear stilettos. One-because they might not balance your weight; under extreme circumstances the might even get crushed. Two- they might look like flats in a garden party because of the weight on them. Three- they hurt like hell!
  • Men. You won’t be often seen with an admirable look by men. You won’t be noticed. You won’t mostly exist as a woman, for a man. Mostly friendzoned. Extreme cases- sisterzoned!
  • Expression. You wil mostly not express about how you feel about most of the things. Because you’re usually in a repetitve cycle of motivation, failure and frustration. If you’re expressive, people might be genuinely tired of your “all expression and no action” lifestlye. You too would be.
  • Vulnerable. You will be more vulnerable to remarks regarding different aspects of your life. Your body, romantic life etc.
  • Desire. Your desires; to go anhwhere, to be with anyone, to do anything; will be extinguished under the burden of your body.
  • Lack of confidence. You will prefer to be invisible most of the times and not be discovered. Even if you’ve a great mind, you’d want it to be unrecognised. Because mind and body go together and you don’t want to be recognised by your body.
  • True potential. You will never be able to reach the potential you can explore as a fit person with the current body that you’re in. 

These are some of the things that you miss while being a fat person. 

But these are not only things that are missing from your life, they can be the reasons you want to change your lifestyle and become a healthy, fit and a better person. 

And that entirely depends on your action.

PS- This post may not hold always true for all fat people.

Do comment to add the things you miss in life by being fat or by not being fit. 

Being Morbidly Obese 

​I have a BMI of 40.41. I am Class III obese i.e morbidly obese. I am 21 year old girl who has the aspirations just as that of another 21 year old. But my weight always puts me on the backfoot from  going ahead to grab all those things in life which I want.

This is what I look like (removing the face)

I don’t wear denims or western wear, as it doesn’t look that well on me, although I deeply desire to look smart in well fit denims and lose t-shirts! (I was just trying my sister’s jeans and footwear when this picture was clicked).

The jeans here make my thighs and hips look comparatively moderate than they really are.

My arms are very fat so it even prevents me from wearing half sleeves or going sleeveless. I don’t want my fat and jiggly arms to be visible to everyone.

My skin is covered with severe acne and now I’ve come accross the problem of hirutism too. I recently got detcted with PCOD.

So, all in all, it quite depresssing to be obese.

I haven’t come accross mean people though. I’ve always received suggestions and motivation from friends and family(not always though). Even the strangers that I come accross in everyday life express their concern and suggest what they think might help me. The fault lies in my approach towards my life because of which I fail time and again to fix it.

And apart from all this obesity problem, I am a very lively and vibrant person. Butt if I would just let go of my self a little bit, I might start suffering from depression. In fact, quite a part of the day is depressing but not because of the people, but because of my own inadequacies.

Sleek Dreams and Explodingly Fat Reality!

There are a number of things I want to do and a lot that I want to acheive. Everytime I open my diary, I see the numerous guidelines that I listed for myself and the various diet- charts that I tailor made. NEVER DID I EVER follow one! Like not even for an entire day. I mean, I know the meaning of the word AMBITION but- there’s a difference between knowing, understanding and realising. All three are imperative for CHANGE. A change that I so much wish to see in myself.

The morning sunrise is a beautiful phenomenon and I have always been a little late to witness precise moment, but it neveretheless looks beautiful even if it’s a little above the horizon. But there is one more thing which is equally beautiful and sometimes more profound and enchanting- the MORNING SLEEP! Now what I really struggle with is to leave my beautiful, warm and cozy bed which becomes even more luring and attractive in the morning hours! How am I supposed to get out of my bed when all that I want to do is sleep and dream about how beautiful I look in a pair of well fit denims and a cool t-shirt! How?? I mean literally, HOW??

images (2)

Right, I know this and understand this too. I don’t know if I realise it too. And moreover, I don’t always remember it. The first time I read it on the cover page of one of my notebooks. It was a beautiful quote. And undoubtedly true. Dreaming is beautiful, I dream and I know the veracity of this statement. Often as a teenager I dreamt too, at that time it was more like day- dreaming. It still is, but now its more serious and ambitious in its nature. In all cases, I was the HERO in my dreams; fighting against all odds, being a winner in any situation, being put down by the whole world and then emerging as a solitary winner. It’s funny to think of all this from a realist view, but, dreams are beautiful. The land is your own, the plot is your own and the best part is that you can edit them again and again for as long as you don’t get it perfectly. Now, what I don’t know is if changing our dreams into reality is equally beautiful or not. I am not even sure if the majority of the dreams that I pursue all day long would be the ones that I would want to be true or not. That’s the  sad part. Dreaming something for majority of your days and nights and yet not being sure if you would want them to be true or not, is daunting.

But after analysing all this about dreams, the fact remains the same that dreaming is easy but chasing dreams is- hard and tiring.

So, day after day, it’s the same bells ringing and I am just an onlooker who lacks the potential to change the dreams into reality. It’s painful because your body doesn’t support you, because you don’t want to be identified distinct from the group(because you’re the biggest of them all), because you can only imagine and not feel, because your confidence is now dependent on your body and it’s most painful because everyday you witness yourself failing and you realise that you’re a person with lack of will power and committment. So it makes you feel negative about every aspect of your personality.

BUT is there a way out? I believe there is. I don’t see it. I don’t know it. I haven’t felt it. But still, I believe that there is a way out. It’s a calling from inside. Even in the bleakest moments of life we still believe that there is a way out. And we don’t believe this because of the numerous motivational posts that we read or the videos that we watch but because IT’S POSSIBLE and because it’s the human’s survival instinct.

So if you had come down to the conclusion, “I am going to fail and so there is no point in trying again to fail again” THEN start your action now! It can be a small action but START. BEGIN. Because after giving up for 20 days, you’re going to start again and at that time you’d wonder, like I do, “Where would have I been if I would’ve been consistent for the past 20 days“!

So don’t start a journey 10 times a year. Start once and keep it going. Remember, static friction is always greater than sliding friction. It’s a fact of physics. Once you begin and continue, the process is going to be less cumbersome. But if you start and stop and then start, you will lose considerable amount of energy and time too.

If you’re too lazy and weak to change much- begin with one thing in a day for a couple of weeks. Even sticking to one habit or change for a couple of weeks is not that easy. 

I am going to make the following changes(just these):

1. Dinner: I usually have- 2 chapatis(sometimes 3), 1/2 a plate rice, 1 katori curd or 1 cup milk( I know milk is not a common combination with dinner but I love it), a bowl of pulses or vegetables. It’s too much. I know. And that’s precisely the reason why I am 105 kg(and more on some days- as matter of fact my weighing machine reflects a difference of 1kg in the morning and evening😲)

Now, the things that I am going to change about this:

  • 1 chapati
  • 1 Katori rice
  • Veggies/ Pulses
  • 1 bowl of salad

I don’t want to stop eating anything because mostly STOPPING  something against my wish doesn’t harmonise with my rebellious mind and I end up gobbling more than I normally do! And I am also going to experiment eating in the quarter plates as it decieves your mind. 

Same amount of food looks too much on small plates and too little on big ones. 

2) Movement: I do start in this area but there is a lack of consistency and will power. Mornings- the sleep so enchanting, day time- work out leads to sweating and the daytime is busy for working out and then bathing too, evening- I am too tired after the day is over(whether the day is a hectic one or an idle one that I just want keep laying down). But this carefully devised theory of excuses isn’t going to help me so I am not going to turn the world upside down but instead focus on 30 minute brisk walking on terrace after dinner and 10 minute stair climbing. That’s all. 

This is what I am going to do for a month and then let’s see where it gets me. 

And I am not going to do this TOMORROW but TODAY! 

The musings of a Fat wanting to be Fit!

Whenever I sit on the floor while squatting and then try to get up using the support of my hand, I am forced to think if 106 kg of body weight could just make my hand or wrist fractured!

The day usually begins with “I wish” and mostly ends with “If only”. The ordeal of an obese is continuous and repetitive. Seventy percent of the day I am mostly lying on my bed and intricately spinning the yarn of beautiful thoughts where I effortlessly carry with grace all that I wear, where I run like an athlete and people around get motivated looking at me, where I am happy and full of energy all the time, where I am thoroughly disciplined person and I love myself and my life. Beautiful thoughts and a gruesome reality!

Why do I mind being fat?

Being fat doesn’t make you pathetic or less human but it simply prohibits you from attaining your true potential. True potential is not entirely dependent on your body but quite a lot on your mind and circumstances too, but then it is undeniable that all the factors have to be coherent if one wants to actually achieve their true potential. I don’t want to be fat any further because

  • Being fat has taken a toll over my confidence. It’s been years that I planned a day out with my friends. The thought of going out to enjoy makes me go in a deep low!
  • I am lazy and procrastinate most of the time because it’s too difficult to be active and enthusiastic with such a big body.
  • I’ve trapped myself in a vicious cycle of self- blame, self- pity and then just putting my hands up and mind down and being as reckless as I want to be, not giving a thought of the consequences of my actions.
  • It’s a hard time to fit in anyplace which has the word “social” attached to it. So no “social gatherings” or “social media”.
  • Although I am not mocked at by my friends or people out in the social yet I just want to trap myself in my own doom. In fact, many strangers that I meet are kind enough to humbly lend the various pieces of advices that they think might help me. But the truth is that I lack the motivation and determination to carry on with the “arduous” task of losing all that I’ve accumulated since so many years.
  • I’ve developed cystic acne and hirutism because of the weight that I’ve gained. My body is completely out of proportion and that wouldn’t give a good feeling to anyone.
  • My doctor has told me that I’ve PCOD although I need to get a couple of blood tests done before it’s confirmed for sure. This is disheartening.

There are plenty of other reasons too. The biggest of all is that I WANT TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF!

Now there are numerous pages in my diary where I’ve gone gaga about what I am planning for the weeks to come ahead to lose the dreadful fat accumulated on my body. But the fact is that NEVER HAVE I EVER been able to be consistent and sincere with my plans; a clear indication of lack of will power and dedication!

Where do I get the will power and dedication from?

I want something. I really want it. But then I don’t want to do anything about it. And I have read all the motivational literature and seen the videos to keep me going, YET, I give up and I FAIL! And a really good solution of not failing is not attempting. Things usually don’t work out if we decide to become a super hero one day and then relapse into a vegetative state for the days to come. Many times I decide go cold turkey, although, NEVER HAVE I EVER implemented any decision of this sort. Many times I decide to eliminate sugar, rice, milk products etc usually in order to sleep peacefully so that I can empathize with myself that I am serious about losing fat (it’s difficult to sleep with the burden of blame on your own shoulders)  and then when I don’t follow a single thing out of my dedicated wish list, I end up being a voracious and monstrous eater. Eating 3 paranthas where I wasn’t supposed to have any! Having a huge treat of chocolates and ice- creams where I was supposed give up on sugar(even in my tea), in fact I was supposed to give up tea altogether; milk products too. And here is what happens- the outrageous and rebellious “streak” within me decides to not only disobey all that I planned but to pulverize my self- esteem and reinforce the idea that “I am not going to make it”, “I can’t do it”. So a very warm welcome to the VEGETATIVE STATE! Now here, I am a hopeless person so there is no point trying or even thinking to try anything at all. The “streak” within me now avenges the courage that I tried to kindle for even thinking that I wanted to change. In all the days to come, I am in a mode of self pity and self- denial.

The only beautiful days are the ones where I am kind to myself and motivate myself to climb up the hill for trekking. There is a trekking track a few Km’s from where I live, actually it’s a wildlife sanctuary, not a very big one, but one anyway. It’s an uphill climb. The first time I went there, I was gasping for breath only after a few minutes. But I decided to continue and go till the top. I stopped many times for catching up with my breath and more so because my calves felt so strained that I could barely walk. After completing 3/4th of my journey I stopped at a point which I call “the green hut”. It was be 5:40 am in the morning when I stopped there the first day I went, so the sun had just started rising. From that point on the hill I could see an entire part of my city and it was breathtakingly beautiful. It was one of the best moments of my life that I had while standing there. It was so serene and yet a powerful impact that it can only be felt and not described in words. For 20-25 days (my maximum consistency in 21 years) I continued my morning walk. After the green hut there was another 20 min track but it was the most dreadful as at points it had an incline of 60 degree and even higher. My calves would literally get stiff. But I still loved to go further. I felt motivated all these days. I felt good about myself and proud too. I had some of the most peaceful moments of the day in the green hut. It was a beautiful time. But then I stopped. A number of reasons propelled me to, although, I never wanted to stop. It was a wildlife sanctuary and many people had spotted a leopard, the monsoon had begun it rained without warning early in the morning, the fellow walkers were bothering sometimes, I had to drive a few km’s to reach there early morning- and all these reasons lured me to prefer my ignorant and profound sleep over a track which had given me the consistency of 20+ days for the first time in my life. But during these 20 days

  • I felt fresh
  • I felt active
  • My sleep wake cycle was becoming efficient(by 10pm would doze of peacefully)
  • I consciously and willingly changed my unhealthy eating habits and above all
  • I felt HAPPY to do something that I wanted to

I accidentally deleted the picture from the green hut that I had clicked(maybe I have an incentive to go and get one now)



(The hill that I used to trek- as visible from my home)

But this didn’t last for a very long time.

And now I have realized that trying to reach to your “true potential” isn’t about reaching at a fixed destination but about being a part of a continuous process and a journey which never ends but only halts at times so that we can soak in all that we’ve achieved and move ahead in pursuit of more.

So as I come to the conclusion of whatever I’ve been writing so far, I realize that self- love is the best support that can offer to oneself. This is one thing which would actually take us ahead. Self- pity and self- loathing only have the potential to put us down. Only being gentle and loving towards one’s own self is the beginning of true and eternal journey. Everything else is eyewash, a trick which we’ve discovered to keep our own selves temporarily away from the self- loathing and self- pity.

A lot to write further, but my eyes are strained for now.

May I be successful and transform myself to rediscover the better and brighter me.

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