A few hours ago, I was thinking if its Sunday today. I saw the wall clock, it was 9:30 pm and I wondered if any regular show would be running on the T.V. so that I could occupy myself and watch it. But since it was Sunday, as I thought, I kept laying down unless I realised that everyone at home had been out to work today. Hence, it was just my Sunday!
So, what did I do for most part of the Monday that made me feel as if it was Sunday? Well, I slept for most part of the day, ate for some and lay thinking for the remaining. I also read a bit from the book “The Catcher in The Rye.” I relate to it a bit as it too is about an aimless wanderer just like me. I don’t know of how things would end for Caulfield, the protagonist of the book, as I am in the middle of the book right now but I am certainly uncertain about myself.
On Sunday night, I thought of transforming my Monday morning, I wrote peculiar details about Monday; of what and how I would be doing my regular tasks with great enthusiasm. And then there was the alarming sound of the alarm at 6 in the morning. My room was dimly lit by the morning light and I was awake, wide awake for a few seconds, unless some part of my brain decided that I should go back to sleep. I obediently obliged to that autonomous centre of my brain which made the unanimous decision. No reasoning done. But I wonder if it was my conscious mind or the sub conscious one which made me sleep again even though I had reiterated to myself the night before that I should wake up early in the morning. I think that I lie to myself when I say that, “I will wake up early in the morning and then do this and this and this!” Even though I behave like a spoilt brat, I feel sorry for myself.
Anyway, at 7 am, my sister came to wake me up and at 8 am I could hear the songs she had plugged in with the treadmill during her workout (which supposedly was my Monday morning plan) while I still lay in bed. By 10 am I had to be at my workplace which is currently like my study space. I am self-employed as I dropped another year out of my education. Frankly speaking, I couldn’t clear my semester as I was busy doing nothing throughout the year and as my exams approached, I was convinced that I wouldn’t clear them. It would be better to say that I flunk them on purpose because I was too unwilling to take the pain to study or be hard on myself. This is the reason that I identify myself with Caulfield from Salinger’s book. Okay, coming back to the point, at 10 I found myself in the bed but I wasn’t sleeping this time. By this time of the day, I had evolved myself to the thinking phase. So, I must congratulate myself. But, what was I thinking about? Of course, all that I mostly think about!
‘It’s the story of a handsome man whom I meet at some point in my life. Actually, it’s the present phase (in my imagination) of my life but in my mind I am a fit, beautiful and a lovely person that he immediately falls for (in some altered versions of the story, since I keep editing it over and over again, he doesn’t immediately fall for me. In fact, in some more altered versions, we happen to be rivals who later begin to lust each other!)’
I honestly feel funny while writing this.
‘The lust of course is followed by certain developments and sometimes the story becomes too hay wired that I get pretty bored with the tangled mess. Sometimes my wild imagination makes me high while at other times I wonder of what should be the next step. Passionate! Married! Had sex! Lots of t! Had kids! Now what? That’s when my wild imagination comes to a stop. So, this was the regular stuff that I kept thinking about till 10 in the morning.
Now, it doesn’t matter if you’re 110 kg, food is the fuel for the body and as my primordial need of hunger called on me, I decided to get ready. And since I had already screwed up for being late, I decided not go to work today. While I was getting ready, I thought of going on a food sabbatical and make it a “detox drink day” and then do “this and that and this” to mend the rest of the day. Moreover, if I’d get hungry till the evening, I’d likely sleep early and hence wake up early. Tada! Great plan! I dropped it as soon as I heard a disapproving growl from my stomach!
After breakfast, I surfed the internet, slept some more and spent some quality time with my pet rabbit. This whole charade lasted for 4-5 hours unless the primordial need of hunger called on me again. It was 4 or 5 in the evening by this time. I cooked some amazing ‘stuffed paranthas’- ‘Indian stuffed flat bread’ for me and my family, had an amazing cup of tea and surfed the internet again.
When there was nothing left to surf and when my imagination had desolated me for creating an entangled mess throughout the day, I decided to read “The Catcher in The Rye’ which was coincidentally about a slack and lousy person like me. This is when I saw the wall clock reflecting 9:30 pm. I had my dinner, watched a T.V. serial and now I am back in my abode (my messed-up room), jotting down this journal, while it is 12:30 am.
The good thing is, today I did not lie to myself that I will wake up at 6 on Tuesday morning.
But who knows, I might!! 😉