Failing is better than Quitting!

There are so many thoughts running through my mind. I dropped an year again. I’ve gone backwards by two years in my life now. I should’ve taken this time to reinvent myself. It should be “should” but I write “should’ve”. I don’t know why! Why would I give up on myself so easily? Do I not love myself? Do I not consider myself worthy of good things in life? Or do I consider myself incompetent? Yes and No. Both.

But why? Why would I not change? Why do I not commit to change? Why do I succumb? Why do I give up? It’s been so many years! I’ve been reading. I’ve been writing. I’ve been thinking. Dreaming. Analysing. Wanting. Desiring. Wishing to Change! Then why would I not act? What is it that stops me? What is it that I am afraid of?

Failure. Is it failure? But I’ve failed time and again! I’ve failed! And for most of the time I’ve failed without even trying. Actually I think that I’m being unfair. I don’t think it would be right to call myself a  failure.

“Being a failure is a far worthy achievement than being a quitter!”

I’ve always surrendered. Always! Of all the major failures that I can count back in my life, I realise that they were not really failures but conscious attempts to QUIT. Was I so scared of failure that I gave up long before? I feel sad for myself. I feel sad for the numerous occasions where I quit when I could’ve failed!

I remember this quote that I once read,

“The struggles of the battlefield pale into insignificance when man first contends with inner enemies.”

And I think, I’ve got too many inner enemies to recognise and fight them off.

It’s a tough journey.

The one which I’ve not yet begun!

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6 thoughts on “Failing is better than Quitting!

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    1. There are moments when words are not suffecient to describe our feelings. I got one of those feelings when I read your comment. Thankyou.

      And perhaps I am scared. And maybe it’s success that I am scared of because I never really believed that I could be successful as much as I believd in my chances to fail. And I don’t really know why. It has done a lot of damage.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I believe, the truth is you are being hard on yourself, please take it from someone who has been there. I tried every sport when I was younger as I wished to be a successful athlete like my siblings – it never happened. But at aged 57 I gained something much better, respect of those crossfitters around me as I learn that being the best I can be is terrific and it is an ongoing process, as each day I improve. So it is with my writing. Some weeks, words flow off paper by the truckful and other weeks I can’t put a sentence together – I no longer beat myself up about it. And those that say you should write every day must live a perfect life, as life intrudes every now and then preventing writers from writing. I will follow your posts with interest and hope you take my first sentence to heart. Be kind to yourself. You are not a quitter and that is the most important lesson in life.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Take it from the king of failure, the one who starts a million things with good intentions and quits every last one of them, you may want to get into some counseling. I just found your blog so please don’t take offense! I identify a great deal with what I have read so far. I am going into a psychiatric facility to try and get my depression in check, and thought maybe it could be something you’d look into as well! Either way I am subscribed to your blog and hope to continue following you on your journey 🙂 -The Fat Cajun

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I took no offence at all. Infact, its not clinically diagnosed but I do show the symptoms of depression. I think every obese person deairous of change would be encountering these symptoms.
      I will follow your journey with a hope that it would inspire me. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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