The introduction of facebook gave a new dimension to the “realtionship status”. We made a huge leap from being either ‘single’ or ‘committed’ to a huge number of variations like ‘complicated’, open realtionship’, ‘domestic partnership’, ‘civil union’ and the list goes on. But the influence of these variations has not just been on the name tags but also on our perception and attitudes towards relationships.
Relationships are either the most simple or the most complicated processes we all have to go through in our life. There is no middle ground; and if you’re trying to find one, then most probably you belong to the complicated category.
What broadly are these phases of the relationship? As my perception, we often go through the following phases-
The budding stage-
Most of the relationships begin as beautiful and fresh buds, eager to be nurtured by the tender rays of the sunlight to mature into blooming flowers.
This stage where two people glance and try to un- glance when the other looks, when they manage to notice the intricate details of the actions of the other, when they manage to sit in a class facing the board and training their eyes to match an owls precision to take note of the “other” and the numerous other things one does when consumed by the fresh flame of Love is what can be called as a budding stage.
The blooming stage-
And then the bud matures to bloom into a flower to relish the nectar of companionship. The wildness as well as the tenderness of this companionship is beyond ecstatic.
It’s a stage in which a person can see the best display of all their virtues. We are ready to compromise, sacrifice, love unconditionally and forgive mercifully.
But, just like every dark cloud has a silver lining, all good things too come to an end; ofcourse our approach towards our life can ensure that the good things which come to an end are replaced by better things. But let us agree, most of us have a crooked approach towards life unless we are hit hard by the circumstances to get it straight.
The rotting stage-
It’s very hard to analyse any phase of a relationship as a rotting stage but hard as it might be; it is also true. Any relationship begins to and is bound to rot if either of the partners begin to take the other for granted.
The reason due to which the budding stage is so beautiful is that we are ready to go to any extremes to make the other person feel special and loved. It’s not necessary that we do this for the joy of the other person, in fact, the reason we do it is because watching our attempt to be successful in making the other person happy makes us beyond happy. Man is selfish by nature, we’ve all heard that and its quite true too. We don’t love someone for them but for ourselves; loving someone gives us immense pleasure and joy. Its our own shining light that makes us happy not necessarily the reciprocation of the other.
As long as in a relationship, making someone makes us happy too, we’re on the right track. But this effort has to be mutual and unsaid. The moment it turns into- Am I the only one who has to do this? The relation needs to be nurtured or it soon begins the journey towards the next stage.
The withering stage-
It’s primarily characterised by indifference and contempt. We’re so much hurt either by ignorance or lack of effort by the other that there can be days and months that could pass by and yet we would refuse to look at or talk to the other. Our partner has failed to meet our expectations and we refuse to be the bending twig which is always the one to hold the things together. And any effort made by either at this stage would not bring happiness but burden to both because most efforts done now would because of two reasons. First, to give a satisfaction to ourselves that we tried to save it. Second, to prove a point against the other they did not even do as much an effort as done by us.
As a consequence, if we decide to stick together life might be a series of unfortunate events and if we decide to move ahead then there are equal chances of the repitition of the same phases with another person.
So, does that mean we might never have a good companionship?
The truth is that many people live these phases everyday in their lives; sometimes the whole cycle ends in an hour, sometimes a day and if we are not sensible enough or responsible enough towards our lives and our relationships then these phases might as well never come to an end.
But the effort for anything in this universe that includes more than one person needs to be mutual. And if on someday we know the love of our partner and yet they fail us- we should rise higher, forgive them and help them save themselves and a beautiful aspect of their and our life.